12 months a year is a very long time. Many things happened in those 12 months –the good and the bad. I could probably try quantifying those good and bad and conclude how 2016 was for me, either good or bad. Unfortunately my lack of note-keeping last year makes it difficult to remember what was good and what was bad. And somehow some things happened in the last few months that have greater impact in my current condition –how am I doing when this new year comes, so I only need to look back to December and probably November too to define how was 2016 for me. The answer is bad, really bad.
I’m turning 27 this year –quite old for a woman, especially a single one. But that’s not what makes it bad. The state I’m in as a 26 turns 27 single woman is. 27 is supposed to be a year when someone already establish his/herself as a human being. Knowing what to do, knowing how to do and more importantly doing it. I’m 26 turns 27 this year but still not knowing what to do with my life –myself, not knowing how to do it and definitely not doing any of it. To add insult to the injury is in this old year I don’t even have that daring soul to dream about anything. It is like being an adult or growing old, we don’t have the luxury to dream. As an adult we have to live in reality, living the here and the now. Even just that simple, I wasn’t able to do it last year –during my 26.
In this new year I really have a great hope for things to get better, for myself to get better. Those bad stuffs happened last December seem can’t be solved to this day but I need to get it off my way of going forward. Am I scared that it might be not working well? Abso-fucking-lutely. I don’t know how 2017 will turn out. Will I make the same mistake I did in 2016? Will things get better in the early year but gradually suck to the end of the year? Probably. But I’m going to let myself dream. If at the end of the day I’m just a 27 years old single woman who dreams, so be it. It’s already better than a 26 years old me.